So this week was full of new stuff for me! I finally got to deliver another baby! It's been so long! The mom had a long, hard labor and was exhausted by the time pushing came around. We welcomed little baby Yuri (spelling?!) into the world about 12 hours after she came into the clinic. This was a hard birth for me. When the head came out we all noticed that it was very non-reactive. Then we noticed that the lips were turning blue. Right when this realization came into play, I saw that the cord was tight around his neck. I quickly removed it and started trying to get the baby out. Push down on the shoulders, pull up, push down. Pushing down brought the baby out a little further. Uh-oh. Cord was tied twice. Pulled the cord off again. Push down, Pull up. Baby out. Baby not moving, not crying, no heart tones, no breathing. Everyone moved into fast action. "Cut and clamp the cord! Get O2 ready!" 2 Pumps through the mask, compressions. So I quickly cut the cord and the baby was moved to the other bed. Full resuscitaion was done. Then a cry. Weak, but there. It was the scariest moment of my life. So scary in fact that I had to leave the delivery room and catch my breath. I wasn't prepared for that. Luckily the baby CPR class was done the day before so everyone was fully versed on how to do it. It was just such a scary moment. But this truly beautiful baby boy was tough and made it through. He's doing very well now! It made me wonder what I would have done if the baby didn't make it. How seriously do I take the line in the Blessed Be Your Name song? "You give and take away, Lord. Blessed be your name." Would I see it that way? How strong is my faith in the Lord to still praise Him when He takes away? It does make you wonder.
All this brought me to Jeremy Camp. I absolutely love the song "Walk by Faith." It's one of my favorite songs... all about how when life is hard and when you don't see God in the circumstances I will walk by faith and know that Jesus is good. Sounds like a good theory right? Then I learned the story behind it. Jeremy Camp wrote this song in the hospital waiting area a few hours after his wife died. He married her knowing that she had cancer and had a few months to live. When she passed away he was standing in the waiting room and started writing this song... "I believe you when you say your hand will guide my every way... I'm broken but I still see your face..." That's the kind of faith I want to have. I have to be running toward God so fast and so focused that what happens in life just brings me to my faith. I want the faith that can live through the storm and still see God when I'm completely broken. Jesus is good, this I know. Jesus knows me, this I love. Jesus has a plan for me and it's not to harm me. Jesus knows what He's doing when I can't see the whole picture. Jesus loves me and hates that I hurt. Jesus stands beside me in that hurt and is my comforter. Jesus builds me up and makes me stronger. Jesus has His plan and rejoices in my love for Him. Jesus is my daddy who is madly in love with me. How wonderful my Jesus is.
And all of this brought me to my next life struggle. This week I finally hit the breaking point in my back pain. For those who don't know, my back has been hurting for quite some time. Constant for about 3 months now. And this pain is different. I've been sore- this was like shooting nerve pain. So naturally, being me, I said everything was fine and took any route that avoided going to the doctor. I stretched and took some meds- all was fine. K, all was not fine. It started getting worse. So I figured, well, might as well see a doctor while I'm here and it's cheap! Enter neurosurgeon land. He ordered me to have an MRI, gave me some pain meds and some muscle relaxants (haha...if you every wondered what being totally loopy is like you should try a muscle relaxant), and ordered me to rest my back. So I had the MRI done a few days ago and got the results today. I've been praying that it was just a muscle strain that got worse when I didn't take care of it properly but there was the idea of a slipped disk in my mind as well. Turns out it's the ladder. TWO slipped disks to be precise. Kinda sucks, right? So now it's just a lot of resting, meds, and some forms of physical therapy for treatment. Surgery is a possibility but not the first line of options obviously. We're gonna try to avoid that at all costs. i'm gonna ask you guys for a lot of prayer though! I wasn't really expecting something like this and a miracle would be fantastic! :D The pain is pretty intense but it's bearable for now! Jesus can be my healer for sure. Thanks in advance for all the prayers! :D l
Well, this was my week. Lots of deep thought and some scary curve balls thrown my way. I'm relying on Jesus to help me pull through and I'm definitely excited for what He's teaching me and the multiple ways He's showing His love. I can't ever stop smiling about His beautiful grace and provision that He's shown this whole trip. It's coming to a rapid close but His work in my life will never be forgotten. I'm hoping to finish this race well and to stay strong until the end! Jesus has so much more to teach us and I for one can't wait to learn it all. :D Love you guys so much! I miss you and will see you in T minus 20 days!