So here's a song I was listening to tonight that just kinda caught my heart...

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

by: Relient K

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.


I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been

So... basically I want to share my thoughts on this song...

I think this songs should be my song for my life. Well, at least for a chapter of my life. I remember hearing this song right after my Freshman year of college and just thinking that this is what I was feeling. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life. And I've had to pay for those things in more ways than one. I know how hard it is to look back and honestly hate the person you were. I wish with all my heart I could take it all back and start over. But... at the same time it made me who I am. I think sometimes we have to fall to realize God's amazing grace and forgiveness. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that God's forgiveness has no end.

I think the main part of this song that hits me is that it's like the author is trying to stop someone else from doing the same things. I feel like that all the time! Just like...ok- see right where you're standing? Yeah that's where I lost is. That's the exact line that I crossed over. Because you're going to wish someday that you could take back that exact moment in life where you said yes instead of no. I guess I wish I could stop other people from making my mistakes and having to live with the same consequences. I know that sometimes you have to learn from your own mistakes but what a gift it would be if you could learn from someone else's instead.

I think I feel this way the most when it comes to my niece. haha. There's so much in her life that I want to save her from someday. I see in her the same spirit that I had. Just the kind that she was probly the kid who had to touch the stove to believe it was hot. I've never had a little sister and she's kinda like that to me. So I guess I've never felt the need to protect someone this much from what life can throw at you so I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. Younger people these days are going through the problems that didn't even hit my generation until we were in high school or college. It makes me sick! But yeah- I guess that's just the thought that came with this song. I wish that I could stop the people I love from doing that I had to do to learn. I just want them to see my mistakes and not make them!

So...anyways. This was kinda a scattered blog. But yeah. It's just what my mind is thinking with this song. Hope you enjoyed!

Summer 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

Hi guys! I hope everyone is doing well and that your 2010 is filled with God’s mercy, love, and blessings! This past year has been such a rush for me. In August of 2009 I began the nursing program at New Mexico State University. The first semester was tough but I made it through! I am now in my second semester of school and striving to survive the dreaded Medical Surgical course. I love this program and this field of study. The Lord has blessed us with such amazing physical bodies and I’m immensely enjoying the study of how they work and how I can learn to take care of them.

I really feel like the Lord has placed in me a passion for women’s studies in particular. I never experience more joy than when I think about being part of the process of bringing a baby into this world. I hope to continue my education after nursing school to obtain my Masters in Nurse Midwifery. This brings me to an amazing opportunity I have been offered for this coming summer…an amazing adventure that I am so thrilled to accept.

This summer I plan to spend two months in Cebu, Philippines at a birthing center called Glory Reborn, which is run by my cousin Hilary Overton. This experience will not only be a great medical opportunity for me but also a fantastic opportunity to share God’s love with the poor, and expand my missionary range. I’ve been to the Philippines twice before and it is such a beautiful place to take the Gospel. The people of the Philippines are hungry for something and Jesus is the one true filler…it is my hope to share His abounding love and kindness in practical ways. I feel like nursing is such an amazing opportunity to share about Jesus, who cares for the whole man (physical and spiritual needs). The role of the nurse is to be beside the patient, to defend the patient, to be the patient’s advocate, and most importantly, to listen and just be present for the patient. In this role we gain trust and respect and we are given such a great opportunity to talk to these people and display God’s love and tender kindness. This summer mission will be such a beautiful time to show Jesus’ love and also gain the knowledge that I hope to take into my future career.

As I’ve said before, I am super excited for this opportunity and all it holds. I’m excited to see what God is going to do and how much he’s going to use me. And I would love for all of you to be part of it! I definitely need my prayer warriors back here cheering me on and encouraging me. And any financial support you might feel called to give would be a HUGE blessing! This trip is going to cost around $2000 for the plane tickets and the two-month stay. It’s a lot of money but I just know in my heart this is where I’m supposed to be this summer.

Thank you so much for your friendship and for your consideration. I feel such promise and grace over this summer and I’m excited to see what God does. I love you all so much and I hope you’ll be part of this wonderful time in my life. God bless!

Molly Walker

mollyw@nmsu.edu

(575) 202-7539

(If you want to send me money or any encouragement, please call me at the number provided, e-mail me, or message me on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=559284178) and I'd be happy to send you my address!