Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Baby Lovin

So there's been a few babies lately! Melissa and I got to help with a birth the other day. Melissa got to catch and I was going to handle the baby after it was out. So the head was out and all the sudden another mom runs into the delivery room and plops down on the other bed. Melissa is obviously distracted and quite skillfully delivers her baby and is just smiling at the baby. About 5 seconds later I look over to the other mom in the room and notice that her baby is crowning. So I'm just standing there in awe watching the second baby come out in about 1 minute. I yell "baby out!" and Melissa looks at me "Yeah, the baby's been out for a couple minutes!" "No no! OTHER baby out!" So everyone looks over to her and her midwife and just starts smiling so big. So I ran between the two and got the babies situated and whatnot. It was so much fun. We've been waiting for the fully dilated mom to run in and have her baby. We finally got to check that off the list! :D We also got to check another big goal off our list! Both of us had a baby named after us this week! Melissa got a little baby named Princess Meliza and I got Eliza Molly. :D This was a very exciting week for us! On top of all of this there was also another birth last night! I got to catch and a Kings Kid named Amanda got to cut the cord! It's been so fun getting to teach them what to expect and how to help. We even taught some of the boys how to insert IVs! (Yes, Melissa and I were the available veins.)
Anyways, that's the baby update! The outreaches have been so fun! The kids are doing awesome and getting to learn a lot and just love on the kiddos here. This week there's still another day of prenatals and the dump and housing projects. Keep this week in your prayers! We've began the one week countdown to coming home and it feels like there's still so much to learn! We'll keep you guys updated and we'll see you way too soon! :D

Friday, July 16, 2010

Kings Kids!

Hey guys! So on Wednesday Kings Kids got here safe! Thanks for keeping them in your prayers! It's so great having more people here... they're really cool! It's 30 people, most ranging from the ages of 14-18. It's awesome to see what God is doing in the lives of this generation. They're so in touch with God... it really is amazing to just sit and listen to their stories and what God has been showing them. They've been doing some outreaches at the clinic in the mornings and then they did the Hospital and the Dump Site yesterday. It's really a different experience when you go with this big of a group that is totally on fire for God. There's so many feelings when you walk into a place of so much need. Many of the kids felt, and I agree, just a spirit of darkness in the hospital. I'm honestly not surprised because whenever a light as big as 30 teenagers walks in with the sole purpose of spreading the love of Jesus, Satan doesn't just sit back and watch. There's always barriers and his defenses. Thankfully these kids weren't distracted at all. They walked in and just went up to patients like they were pros. They got to pray with all the kids on the pediatric floor and give them little gifts too! It really was cool to be a part of.
In other news, I got to deliver another baby boy the other night. He's a cutie. The mom was the quietist mom I've ever seen. Granted it was her 7th child, but she didn't even make one sound. Like I've said before, these moms are champs at labor. But it all went really well! A girl named Emily from Kings Kids even got to watch! It was a long labor but they both did fantastic. :D Melissa and I decided to stay at the house with the kids instead of moving over to the clinic. We're having too much fun with all the kids! There's 20 girls so we're not exactly short on new friends. :D So we're still hoping to catch as many babies as possible but we're also going on a lot of the outreaches with the kids.
Please keep the next two weeks in your prayers! As previously stated, Satan doesn't sit back when this kind of force is on fire for Jesus. Pray against spiritual warfare and pray that these hearts here can stay strong and focused on the goal. It's their 3rd week here in the Philippines so also pray for energy! They're going to do an amazing work and prayer warriors are always needed! I love you guys so much and will check in again soon! :D

Friday, July 9, 2010

A very eventful week....

So this week was full of new stuff for me! I finally got to deliver another baby! It's been so long! The mom had a long, hard labor and was exhausted by the time pushing came around. We welcomed little baby Yuri (spelling?!) into the world about 12 hours after she came into the clinic. This was a hard birth for me. When the head came out we all noticed that it was very non-reactive. Then we noticed that the lips were turning blue. Right when this realization came into play, I saw that the cord was tight around his neck. I quickly removed it and started trying to get the baby out. Push down on the shoulders, pull up, push down. Pushing down brought the baby out a little further. Uh-oh. Cord was tied twice. Pulled the cord off again. Push down, Pull up. Baby out. Baby not moving, not crying, no heart tones, no breathing. Everyone moved into fast action. "Cut and clamp the cord! Get O2 ready!" 2 Pumps through the mask, compressions. So I quickly cut the cord and the baby was moved to the other bed. Full resuscitaion was done. Then a cry. Weak, but there. It was the scariest moment of my life. So scary in fact that I had to leave the delivery room and catch my breath. I wasn't prepared for that. Luckily the baby CPR class was done the day before so everyone was fully versed on how to do it. It was just such a scary moment. But this truly beautiful baby boy was tough and made it through. He's doing very well now! It made me wonder what I would have done if the baby didn't make it. How seriously do I take the line in the Blessed Be Your Name song? "You give and take away, Lord. Blessed be your name." Would I see it that way? How strong is my faith in the Lord to still praise Him when He takes away? It does make you wonder.

All this brought me to Jeremy Camp. I absolutely love the song "Walk by Faith." It's one of my favorite songs... all about how when life is hard and when you don't see God in the circumstances I will walk by faith and know that Jesus is good. Sounds like a good theory right? Then I learned the story behind it. Jeremy Camp wrote this song in the hospital waiting area a few hours after his wife died. He married her knowing that she had cancer and had a few months to live. When she passed away he was standing in the waiting room and started writing this song... "I believe you when you say your hand will guide my every way... I'm broken but I still see your face..." That's the kind of faith I want to have. I have to be running toward God so fast and so focused that what happens in life just brings me to my faith. I want the faith that can live through the storm and still see God when I'm completely broken. Jesus is good, this I know. Jesus knows me, this I love. Jesus has a plan for me and it's not to harm me. Jesus knows what He's doing when I can't see the whole picture. Jesus loves me and hates that I hurt. Jesus stands beside me in that hurt and is my comforter. Jesus builds me up and makes me stronger. Jesus has His plan and rejoices in my love for Him. Jesus is my daddy who is madly in love with me. How wonderful my Jesus is.

And all of this brought me to my next life struggle. This week I finally hit the breaking point in my back pain. For those who don't know, my back has been hurting for quite some time. Constant for about 3 months now. And this pain is different. I've been sore- this was like shooting nerve pain. So naturally, being me, I said everything was fine and took any route that avoided going to the doctor. I stretched and took some meds- all was fine. K, all was not fine. It started getting worse. So I figured, well, might as well see a doctor while I'm here and it's cheap! Enter neurosurgeon land. He ordered me to have an MRI, gave me some pain meds and some muscle relaxants (haha...if you every wondered what being totally loopy is like you should try a muscle relaxant), and ordered me to rest my back. So I had the MRI done a few days ago and got the results today. I've been praying that it was just a muscle strain that got worse when I didn't take care of it properly but there was the idea of a slipped disk in my mind as well. Turns out it's the ladder. TWO slipped disks to be precise. Kinda sucks, right? So now it's just a lot of resting, meds, and some forms of physical therapy for treatment. Surgery is a possibility but not the first line of options obviously. We're gonna try to avoid that at all costs. i'm gonna ask you guys for a lot of prayer though! I wasn't really expecting something like this and a miracle would be fantastic! :D The pain is pretty intense but it's bearable for now! Jesus can be my healer for sure. Thanks in advance for all the prayers! :D l

Well, this was my week. Lots of deep thought and some scary curve balls thrown my way. I'm relying on Jesus to help me pull through and I'm definitely excited for what He's teaching me and the multiple ways He's showing His love. I can't ever stop smiling about His beautiful grace and provision that He's shown this whole trip. It's coming to a rapid close but His work in my life will never be forgotten. I'm hoping to finish this race well and to stay strong until the end! Jesus has so much more to teach us and I for one can't wait to learn it all. :D Love you guys so much! I miss you and will see you in T minus 20 days!

Thursday, July 1, 2010


The leper who has the disease shall wear torn clothes and let the hair of his head hang loose, and he shall cover his upper lip and cry, `Unclean, unclean.' He shall remain unclean as long as he has the disease; he is unclean; he shall dwell alone in a habitation outside the camp.
Leviticus 13: 45-56
This verse was on my mind today at the dump site. Melissa and I went, as has become our usual Thursday afternoons, with Father Heinz to the dump site today. We did the usual handing out of cookies and medical check ups. Though, this week we decided to change it up a little bit. We went to the local department store and bought a cheap volleyball and some stickers for the little kids. So instead of helping with the medical checks we played with the kiddos the whole time. We started playing volleyball but it turned out to be a little bit risky since it had just rained (resulting in black tar water lining the streets). So we broke out the stickers. Mass amount of children piled around and placed loads of spiderman stickers all over their faces and arms. When they started to run out of room on themselves they started putting stickers on us instead. Trust me, we have the photos to prove this. Once the stickers ran out, I decided to start spinning the kids and making them fly like I do with my 3 year old class during the "Jesus is my Superhero" song. They loved it! It was so great! But they were all a little timid at first... I couldn't realize why until one the kids looked up at me, looked at themselves, and said "but you're going to get dirty" and kinda started stepping away. I looked down and realized that indeed my arms and neck were on their way to a blackish color. At that moment I realized what was going on- they were ashamed for me to hold them because they somehow knew that I was "cleaner" than them. I finally looked at the little girl, said "I don't care", and went to pick her up. They all were ready to fly after that little conversation.
This all brought me to this verse in the Bible. During those times if you had leprosy and you came into town you had to shout "unclean" everywhere you went to warn people that you weren't safe to touch. It was pretty much public humiliation. You already have to live with the fact that you are sick and hurting and now whenever you're around other people you have to let all of them know it too. It made me really sad that these kids are living that life. We're the white people who walk in and suddenly they are self conscious about the fact that they haven't bathed in a while. They're scared for us to touch them because they don't want us to be dirty too. All of them were like this. They were worried about our arms that were getting dirty because of the volleyball. They were worried about holding our hands or riding our backs... they were worried about them being who they are. My heart broke at this moment. I don't ever want to be the person who puts on hand sanitizer after they shake hands with a child. Or not hug a kid for fear of getting dirty. My arms are open for them. They'll always be. I love these kids already and I want to play with them and hug them and let them feel safe with me. I' happy that we got to be the light to them today. We got to have open arms and smiling faces. I love this trip so much... :D

Sunday, June 27, 2010

More babies and adventures

Hey guys! It's been a while since I blogged! There's just no time! It goes by so fast over here! I hope your summer's are going well. I wish (well...kinda) that I was with you guys so I could catch up and talk to you! I had a dream about Erica last night that I got to talk to her and hug her and it hit me that I miss home. This is probly the first time that I've really missed home. But we're half way there! We've learned so much over the past month and have gotten to practice all of our skills. It's been the best experience in my life so far. There's so many differenced between the US and here. I wasn't ever mad at the limited things I got to do during clinicals at the hospital until I got here and got to do so much more. Melissa and I were talking and saying that if we both decided to not get our masters, then what we did this summer is more than we would get to do in our entire career in the US. Nurses don't catch babies, doctor's do. Here- not so much. :D We've both done our share of internal exams, pap smears and gram stains, IVs, catheters, and catching a baby when it first enters this world. We've grown in so many ways. Physically we're both probly doing better due to the mountain terrain. Emotionally we've learned to handle more than our share. We've come face to face with extreme poverty and learned to never get used to it, but also not to let our anguish show to those people. We've learned that a smile can change a day. We've learned that a picture and a hug can make a child remember your name forever. We've learned that joy is something to never take advantage of and we are privileged so that we can bless others. Spiritually we've grown so much. We've learned that prayer is the best weapon we have. We've learned that Jesus is our comforter and joy and is never, ever far away. I've come to the realization that my dad and mom raised me well and were truly great parents. They taught me how to love through actions. I can't even believe that all my kids church training has come to such great use over here! My mom and dad taught me to rely on Jesus and how to be the light to this world. They showed me through action and word what a true man and woman of God look like. They are...amazing. And while you read this, mom and dad I love you so much. And thank you. (Don't cry. I kinda am though. haha) We've seen so much and have grown because of it. This truly is a chance of a lifetime and neither of us are coming back unchanged.
With all that said, there was a recent experience that was so great. I got to solo catch a baby again. Solo meaning I was the one on the chair in front and for the most part the only hands on that mom and baby. A handsome baby boy named Daniel was born a couple days ago and I got to be the one to help him out. He was a big baby, too! A little over 8 lbs! That's huge for this culture. haha. Our bodies are...amazing. God crafted us so cool. It never amazes me that a baby that big can live inside a woman and come out so smoothly. And the nasty, gross placenta- it's a organ that our body generates to keep this baby alive. And then when it's done it just comes out. And our bodies can do this over and over. It's so awesome! It makes me proud to be a woman. lol! Babies are so much fun and each one makes me smile so big. I truly love this job!
I also went back to the dump site this week. The kids remembered me! I heard my name and had a group of kids run up and hug me. It broke my heart... This time I got to help Father Heinz with the medicine part of it all and learned a lot of cultural things when it comes to the medicine. For instance- as a nursing student we are taught that when you place a patient on antibiotics you reinforce the instruction to take it for the whole course. This is to prevent the bacteria from becoming resistant and then having to use a stronger one later to overcome the same infection. Well here they just stop it when they start feeling better. So we have tons of patients who have been sick for so long because they don't finish the course of their medicine and actually get sicker. So we got to help a bunch of people and really bless them through free meds so they can start trying to get better. I also got to play with the kids again! This time we did twirling... there was a line after like 2 minutes. But hearing the giggles and seeing the smiles was totally worth however sore I was the next day. I love those kids. I love being able to make them happy and help them through one more day. It makes my heart smile. :D
I really just feel like Jesus has been showing me the same thing over and over this trip. He's been telling me that His view is hard but it truly is beautiful. We've all seen the videos of putting on the "glasses" of Jesus and seeing all the hurt as He sees it. It definitely is like that, don't get me wrong. I've seen more hurt than I ever imagined. But when you put on those same glasses you also see amazing, perfect, unconditional love. You can't see the hurt without feeling the breaking of your heart that only happens when you are head over heels in love with someone. That tightening in your stomach and the voice in you head that says they're so beautiful it hurts. That's how I see it now. I see hurt, yes. But I also feel love. The "break my heart for what breaks yours" isn't all bad. His heart breaks with the sheer amount of love He feels for His people. I just keep hearing Him tell me to love his people. This is His highest calling for my life. To love. Love like He loved. Love them with open arms. I will love with all my heart. I want to show His love all the time. We went with a group to an outreach once and the pastor kept saying "we're doing this because it's our calling. If we were honest with ourselves we would realize that these aren't people we know. And we really don't care. But we're going to do it for Jesus." All I could think about that whole time was that he was missing the point. Action without feeling isn't enough. We are supposed to care. We are supposed to LOVE his people! I couldn't get that little pep talk out of my mind because it just felt that the whole group was doing something and not understanding how it's supposed to be. I never want to do that. I don't ever want to just not care. I don't how how to not care. Jesus has put a calling on my life and I will follow it wherever He takes me. Loving isn't exclusive to foreign countries. I can show His love wherever I go. What a great calling... :D
Well friends, I'm going back to the clinic now! I took a picture of me and Daniel and will post it as soon as possible! I love you all and thank you so much for all your encouragement and prayers! :D

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

How do I go back?

I was thinking today about when I go home. Time goes by so fast here. It's been over 3 weeks already! I can't believe that it's already almost half way over. So I was sitting in the car talking to David about how strange it is to go back. We talked about how we don't necessarily feel like we "belong" here (or-morelike fit in) but how going back is almost an angry experience. We were sitting at a stop light and a little boy was standing in the middle of the road. He was wearing dirty clothes and you could just tell that he lived on the street. He probly stands at that stop light everyday and begs for money to get food. We gave him a milk carton and then the light turned green. Something like this would never ever happen in America. If a 9 year old boy (which I'm guessing is about how old he was) lived on the street, Child Services would be all over it and he would most likely be off of them within a day. This kid might not every be helped. Which brought me to this fact. I don't really belong here because it's so far out of my upbringing. I don't honestly understand how things can get this bad and nobody do anything about it. My mind doesn't get it. But then after you see it you'll never not see it, you know? I can't get a lot of these mental images out of my head. I don't think I ever will. So that was my second observation for the night. How do I go back to the way America lives? How do I go about life as if my way of life is the "normal" way? I'm honestly not entirely sure. I don't ever want to be not sensitive to what I've seen. I don't ever want to see a desperate child's face and not be moved. I don't ever want to hear about poverty again and think that since it's out of sight it should also be out of mind. So how do I go back?
Another thing on my mind: I was overcome this week by the desire to live in the times that Jesus lived on earth. All week I've wanted to physically walk with my Savior and talk to Him. I got insanely jealous while reading the book of Luke of all of those people who got to hang out with Him. I want miracles to happen everywhere around me. I want a man to come up, say that his servant is dying, and by faith they be healed. I want Jesus to walk with me and to see the power that just radiates around Him. I mean, the woman who just touched His robe and got healed?! That's power. It's like in the Rock that Rolled Easter video... the little bird was healed just because Jesus walked next to her. His power was just like a bubble around Him. I want to be near that. I want the faith that moves mountains and the faith that can bring the dead back to life. I want to see His beauty and hear his sweet voice always. During this amazing time of jealousy, I felt His presence nearer than ever before. I realized that while it might not be physical, my Jesus is always walking by my side. He talks to me constantly and loves my presence. He has His hands on my shoulder and smiles when I do His deeds. He says that through my faith I can move mountains with Him. He basically says that I can have the power. And I can have the power because HE has the power and HE lives in me. I can heal because He can heal. I love that Jesus empowers His followers. Each of us has the power to do what He did because He is still very much alive and working through us. What an amazing entitlement. I love my Jesus. And I really always want to follow Him and listen to Him and walk with Him. I know I say this all the time- but what an amazing God we serve. I will rejoice and be glad in this simple fact- He loves me and is always with me. Yay.
So friends I don't have too much else to say. I've gotten to deliver two babies in the last couple days! I never knew I would like being a catcher so much. :D They were both beautiful baby girls and such good deliveries. It really is the best job I could ever think of. God designed our bodies so wonderfully. I'm suddenly really excited that I'm a woman and get to bring a baby into this world someday. :D It's such a beautiful (and slightly gross) experience. haha.
Welp. That's all I got for right now. Please keep this mission in your prayers! Hilary started up school again and is insanely busy with 34 credit hours of med school (YIKES!) and so things are always moving around here. Keep in your prayers the Kings Kids that are getting ready to come to the Philippines too! They get to the Philippines at the beginning of July and join us in Cebu on July 14. We're pretty excited for them to come but there's a TON to do before they get here. Also keep in your prayers the moms of these little babies. There has been another death since we last talked. The baby was transported to the hospital due to bad heart tones and ended up being born with a condition called gastroschisis. This is a condition where the intestines are outside the body instead of inside. She made it through one surgery but died today due to infection. The couple was pretty young and we can only image how this is effecting them. Please keep them in your prayers. I love you all so much and will keep you posted!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's...I don't even know...

I've learned something very valuable about myself lately. I thought I hated journaling (and it's still true to an extent) but I do love blogging. I'm not always great at expressing my feelings through a conversation. I think I tap into my emotions when I write. So here we go...
Today ended the "no babies" streak. We had 3 births in the clinic! Unfortunately Mel and I missed all three. Ironic, no? They were so fast! The first mom Mel missed the birth because she was only 5 cm (haha, yeah right) so Mel went to listen to a song. During that 3 minutes the baby was born. Mom number two came in right as I was leaving the clinic for lunch. She wasn't sweating or anything so we told them to keep us updated so I could come back for the baby. 10 min later we get a call that says she was fully dilated when she came in and the baby is already out. Baby number three came in when mom was about 8 cm and me and Mel were at the mall with Hilary and David. So obviously we missed that one too. We're hoping for some more that we can actually help with soon. haha!
Despite the missed births our day wasn't completely lost. Mel and I went to the dump site with Father Heinz tonight. The dump site is where thousands of people in Cebu live...and it's exactly what it sounds like- a dump site. Under our feet was yards upon yards of trash that has been dumped there over the years. And this is where these people make their life. The trash is their livelihood. We went and gave out cookies to the kids and then we did meds for all the sick people. Mel got to do the nurse stuff while I took to playing with the kids. It's amazing how taking a picture and showing it to them makes you their favorite person. It was just so hard to see it all. I'm still working on getting feeling back to that part of my brain so I can process it. I know that I can never pretend like I knew what poverty meant again. We complain about losing our jobs and living on less than 20,000 per year while these people make their homes at a trash dump. And they don't even want to leave there because they know that at least when they're at the dump they can find food and live. If they weren't there they wouldn't know how to survive. Father Heinz was telling us that he held a mass there the other day and one of the kids prayed "Dear God, thank you for the trash. Amen." Talk about feeling convicted for being selfish and greedy. And these kids are so beautiful. Jesus created these children to be His own and this is how they have to live. It was so much fun being able to just play with them and show them some love. I would love to go back everyday just to be there for them. They all know my name by now. :D I think we'll make this a weekly visit along with the Red Light district. I just feel like this is where we're supposed to be. We can't reach out in any better way. Jesus has made anyone who can smile a missionary. We can show love in ways that are so simple. We get to lead by action while we're here. We get to look at a child and communicate through our eyes and faces how special they are. It's an awesome gift to have! I feel so blessed to be able to be here this summer. Jesus said he was going to open my eyes and I know I can never go back after this. Once your eyes are opened to the world and how simple it is to bring some joy you can't really close your eyes again. It is a harsh reality- like being blinded- but it's beautiful. Seeing through the eyes of Jesus is so beautiful. I definitely want more. :D
Love you guys so much! <3

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

It's just so different

So Mel and I have been hospital hopping for the last few days. On Monday we went to the "nicer" public hospital with the youth group to take food and presents to the kiddos there. It was so hard to see how these hospitals work. We walked in to the pedia ward and there was at least 12 beds in that small room. Then there were two other rooms joined to it and each of those had about 4 more beds. There was no air conditioning, no oxygen and suction connected to the walls, no clean sheets, and not even nice beds. It's just...not ok. There's really no point in going to the hospital here if you have to go to the public hospital. You honestly just get sicker. We asked around and figured out why some of the kids were in there. One little girl had kidney failure. Now this means that, if she is indeed going to receive a new kidney soon, then she's on immunosuppressants so that she doesn't reject the donor kidney. And in the bed next to her? A boy with pneumonia. Great. I just can't believe that this is how the hospital is. But the problem with all of this is that this wasn't near as bad as the other hospital we went to. I'll post pictures soon but today we went to visit the other public hospital to visit 2 moms who delivered there recently. We walked into the OB Ward and Mel and I honestly stopped for a second and looked at each other like "what the heck?" There were AT LEAST 3 moms/babies to a bed and the place was packed. Where there was maybe 30 beds there were around 90 babies. One baby started crying and it triggered about 5 other ones. It's so hard to see this reality. It makes me so mad! And on top of all of this there were only 3 nurses at the nursing station there. So, 30 patients per nurse. We saw research that having more than 7 patients per nurse is risky enough for medical mistakes! Wow. Just wow. We're really happy that the clinic uses the private hospitals. Three patients per room, one per bed. It's an amazing difference.
More differences--- today we went on the house visits with MayMay to visit more moms who gave birth at the clinic. This was to see if the patients enjoyed their experience, had any suggestions, would deliver there again etc. Melissa got to ride her first trike! It was awesome. It was just so interesting to see how these people live. I mean obviously we're reaching out to those in need, those who don't have the money to pay for a good hospital to deliver their baby. The houses we saw today were probly the size of my bathroom back at home. Two had a mom, dad, and 2 babies living it; another had a mom, dad, 3 kids, and a baby. It's just so crazy to see this whole different world than mine. And...they were happy. The moms were so happy to have us come see them. They were so happy to have their baby in their arms. It's just...so different.

A couple of observations so far:
1. Medical students have to wear ALL white. But black underwear are perfectly acceptable.
2. Making a U turn from the far right lane? Sure, why not.
3. Those while and yellow lines on streets to help control traffic? That's exactly what they are- just lines. Maybe considered guidelines, but possibly not even that.
4. Bananas are not the same.
5. McDonald's delivers.
6. Power outages can be followed on Twitter.
7. You're more likely to see a DVD before it even comes out in theaters.
8. The pirated video store will text you when they get more stock in.
9. If you're 12 and your dad tells you to go buy him some alcohol you're totally allowed.
10. Privacy doesn't really exist.
11. If you can find a place with AirCon stay there all day.
12. Highlights, hair cut, manicure, pedicure, permanent straightening, and possible massage- it all comes in a package for about 40 bucks.
13. Pedestrians do NOT have the right-a-way.
14. No worries- everybody has a facebook and they all love Twilight. It's like being back at home.

More to come as I notice them! :D Love you guys! Keep up the prayers!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

These Hands

There's a ton of songs about giving different body parts to God. Not in a weird way. But I mean all those songs about "give me your eyes", "if we are the body, why aren't your hands reaching?", "take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee..." I feel like my song to God has always been about my hands. "Jesus use my hands!" When I was a little bit younger (say 16 maybe) I was prayed for by Marisela. And it was this huge praying for your spiritual gifts thing and the thing that I remember the most is that my hands got so flipping hot. Even she said that when she touched my hands they were like on fire. So, obviously, I have always prayed about God using my hands. For a while I thought it was the gift of healing- and really I still totally believe that- but last night He gave me another interpretation. We were in church and I was praying about just giving Him my all and I instinctively lifted my hands. Once again they got pretty hot (Like Holy Spirit holding my hands hot) and I started asking God what He wants to do with my hands. "Jesus! Let them move for you. Let them touch and heal! Let them reach out to your people!" And then I heard Him say "Let them catch my children." Needless to say, I got this huge goofy grin on my face and was almost laughing in the middle of prayer. "Yes, Jesus. Let them catch your babies. Always."
I love how Jesus gives us our dreams. He confirms them in our prayers, in our readings, and in our friendships. Jesus has paved the way for this to be my future. Anna started the spark by telling me about how awesome birth is. I still had my reservations because I'm not too good with smells- I have a very intact gag reflex. (haha) But the seed was always there. Anna loves her job so much- and I love Anna so much and look up to her more than you would believe. So obviously this job had to be amazing, right? So I started nursing school. I figured if I didn't end up liking the birthing process then I would for sure find something else I would like. Then I wanted to come to Cebu. I mean, spending an entire summer with birthing moms? It would definitely tell me yes or no! And it all just fell into place. Jesus paved the way. And I knew. I just knew that this was it. And then He just went one step further. He's given me everything I ever wanted. I get to use my hands for His purpose. I get to bring His kiddos into this world and be the first to say a silent prayer over them. I get to be the one who holds them in their first few minutes. There's really nothing like it. I couldn't be more satisfied with what my life is going toward. I asked Him to show me His love and give me His heart. I asked Him for 4 years to use my hands. I asked Him to give me a life that could be found faithful. He gave me everything I asked for. (I'm still asking for the guy to go through life with me but ya know, sometimes you have to be patient. ;D )
All this to say, Jesus is faithful. He wants to give us what we ask for. He wants to make us more than satisfied in Him and in His plan for our lives. He loves us. He wants to show us His heart because it's beautiful. He wants to give us His plans because they're perfect. Man, this God we serve loves us so much. How insanely lucky are we?!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Baby Catcher

Oh how I love this job. There is no doubt whatsoever that this is my career choice. Yesterday morning (early morning. Midnight to be exact) I got to catch my first baby pretty much on my own. It was a night of fun activities. I got to do an IE on her earlier and feel the baby's head, start the IV on her (she had good veins), catch the baby, cut the cord, deliver the placenta (still the weirdest thing I'll ever see), help mommy breastfeed, and help with the newborn exam (though I'll be honest. Me helping with the newborn exam was more like me playing with the little girl. I was like- let's check your muscles, and then proceeded to play patty cake with her. :D ). I don't think I'll ever forget that rush of adrenaline and joy. It is honestly the coolest thing in the world to bring a new life into it. :D
Let's see- other updates. Mel and I went to youth group last night. That was a fun experience. We were the only white people and as far as we could tell we were the oldest too. But the youth group was really fun! You can tell that their heart is sold out for God and that's honestly all that matters. The church that David and Hilary go to is awesome. And honestly, that's saying something coming from me. I'm a little picky when it comes to churches (hey- my dad's a pastor and I LOVE my church). But this church just felt like home. I really, really like it. :D And we might be going on an outreach with the youth on Monday. They're taking lunches (I think) to the kids ward of the public hospital. So it will be cool to be able to minister along side them and see what the hospital conditions are like here. Please keep this outreach in your prayers!
Other than that there's not too much to report. The Bible study that we're leading is going good. The girls are a little shy but we're getting to know them a little more and we're all getting more comfortable with each other. It's been really fun being able to center this trip on Jesus. It's not all about the nursing part and that's exactly how we wanted it.
Thank you all so so so much for sending me here. This is already life changing and I'm so happy I got to come! I love you all and will check in again soon! :D
Molly Walker, 1015, Overton HQ

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

So so much...

Ok. Where to start. Chronological order or what's on my mind right now? Let's go with my mind and see if I can connect all the dots. This week I've been working the night shifts with the "Yellow Team." I can definitely see myself being a night nurse if I can ever figure out the whole sleep during the day thing. There hasn't been too much action during the nights. We got to help a mom breast feed here baby and just kind of teach her how to take care of him. (Which, while we're here- please keep that situation in your prayers. There's a TON of drama surrounding that pregnancy and it all pretty much ends with the mom not really caring about the baby but the grandparents wanting her to keep it. It's a hard situation to have to teach a mom how to breast feed when her baby is already a week old and clearly not being fed enough. :( ) Then there was the labor on Monday morning that Mel and I got to attend. Yay for little baby girls and moms who are champs at labor. :D Then last night (Tuesday night) was also pretty slow. Though, again, we had a mom come in to the clinic around 5 this morning and she was dilated 4 cm. This was her 4th baby and we could tell that she was going to progress quickly. (Her contractions were already 3 min apart and VERY strong.) So we hooked her up to the CTG, watched the baby's heart rate, and got her ready for the delivery. At about 8:50 (this is all very similar to the birth on Monday morning) she was examined and it was determined that she was 7 cm. I was offered the chance to help catch the baby and was practically bouncing with the excitement. Then we see the mom roll over (she was laying on her left side) and start to push. All I hear is "GET YOUR GLOVES ON!" and the mom's grunts. So I quickly put on my sterile gloves and sneak a peek at what's going on. Well, the head is out- that's what's going on. So I stick my hand around the head and wait for the next push. The other midwife had the head secure so I caught onto the baby's shoulders and caught his cute little body as he made his way out of the birth canal. I just want to say that babies are so so so cute when they're born. They kind of open their eyes and have this expressing like "Huh. That was weird. And it's bright. And I'm cold. Why?" It's probly the cutest face ever. :D So we warmed up the baby and go him next to his mommy to get his first meal. He's a very handsome, 8 pound, beautiful and healthy little boy. And I got to help catch him. So this pretty much beats all the other days for "Best Day Award" so far. :D
While we're on this subject of little baby boy- let's get into the subject of naming your children. So I've had names for my children since I was about 12 and learned that picking names is so fun. I love the names Madeline Marie and Jacob Ryan (though with the whole Twilight craze and Jacob in it, I may have to change that name. Rats.) These, in my opinion, are relatively common, acceptable names for children. In America, we don't often get too odd of names. There are a few, no doubt, but John is much more common than something like Ocean (Just an example). And, for all those who don't know this- it's actually ILLEGAL in Germany to name your child a weird name. You have to have some sort of proof that a name has been in your family for a while if you're going to name your child a "odd" name. Now, in the Philippines it's a free for all. The main thing we've seen is that the couple does an odd combination of their names to create a name for their child. For example, my parent's names are Sharon and Larry. Now when I was born they named me Molly. But if we lived here, and they were part of this culture, they may have named me Sharry. You see? But you also have the other names that creep up every now and then here. Hilary was telling me about a mom who named her kids after the royal family. Not just Charles but PRINCE CHARLES. On the birth certificate this kid's name was Prince Charles. (They also have a Princess Diana) This all bring me to the main point. The baby I delivered this morning was named Lord Benedict. Yup. You read that right. Hehe. Just though I'd let you in on this little tid bit that made my day. :D
Ok...so on to the more serious stuff. I guess we'll just jump right into it. Last night before working at the clinic we went to the Red Light district with a man named Father Hines. This man is...amazing. He was raised in Germany and came to Cebu 29 years ago and has been working here ever since. Everyday he goes into this district (as well as the dump sites) and hands out medicine, condoms, etc. Now let's back up a little bit. When we went to the Red Light we had to pass through a blockade of guards. These guards are there for pretty much one reason: to keep anyone who is going to help get these girls out of this situation OUT of the district. The girls are valuable to them and help will not be tolerated. So needless to say Father Hines had a difficult task in front of him 29 years ago. He finally got in when he proved he was a friend. His theory is that by continued kindness and relationship we can win more to Christ than through blunt force. So when one of the pimps got hit by a car and ended up in the hospital with tons of medical bills- the others went to Father Hines. He ended up covering the medical bills and from then on was let into the community. From there he could distribute free condoms, snacks, lead women to the Welcome House that can help them recover, and hand out much needed medications.
Now let's do an overview on the Red Light district. This is the prostitute area. Mainly brothels. It's also the "dump site" for unwanted children. We walked in and just saw masses of kids running around, most without parents. They said that when parents don't want their kids they often just drop them off at the Red Light district. This obviously adds to the continuing business of prostitution since most of these young girls will end up being the prostitutes in a few years. This whole business is based on lies and threats. Some girls are lured in thought promises of legitimate jobs. They are then hooked on drugs and prostituted. They are so ashamed of what happened that they don't go home to tell their parents the truth. Other girls are brought in by fellow prostitutes who are payed a sum of money for each girl they bring in. Others, the younger ones, are paid big bucks to come into the business and then kept there through drugs or some other way of slavery. It was stated at one point that when cops come and arrest the girls, the pimps bail them out and then use that debt to keep them where they are. If they run, they are followed. If they are found, they are killed. It takes about 6-7 customers a night to stay alive. These girls honestly have nowhere to run and it really sucks. This is their reality- and mine is a 2 month trip away from my cozy country home and full ride to college. What a reality check this has been.
So back to Father Hines. He is so so so well known in the community now. They have successfully saved a few girls but nothing compared to the numbers that exist. Even now they don't know how many there really is because everything is done through texting instead of brothels. (As is, I'm sending my cab, be ready.) But the second that Father Hines walks in that place all the girls come up, hug him, and have huge smiles. He's the one man who has ever truly cared about them. He is in a sense the father they never had. He truly is doing an amazing thing. So we got to go with him into the site and help him hand out the usual condoms, meds, and biscuits. All the kids immediately wanted to check out the new white girls and came crowding around Mel and I asking our names and ages. We gave them all stickers and they stayed with us the whole night. Never once did I not have some kid holding my hand, talking with me, and walking through the streets with me. It was heartbreaking to be honest. I didn't know how to do it but all I wanted was to be their mom. I wanted to hold them like my mom holds me and tell them how special they are. I can't get the image of those kid's faces out of my mind. I don't really know how to process the lack of futures they have. It's...too much for me. Only God can handle these things... I just wish I could do more.
Reality hits hard when you meet a girl who tells you it's her first night out and asks for condoms. This girl looks like she's going to the mall with her friends in her striped dress and heals. Then you learn that she is 14. She shouldn't be doing this! She shouldn't even know how this works yet! How is this ok?! Then you get it- she was probly raised here. Now she's old enough to earn her keep. Or that's probly what they tell her. How is this happening when I live in my comfortable world of nursing school and Starbucks? I don't know how two totally different realities can exist. But that's just the thing. It's her reality. She didn't look too scared like I would have looked. She wasn't sweating or crying the way I wanted to scream out loud and protest the danger she was putting herself in. She looked resigned. This was life. This was her life. I'm not ok with her life. I want to help save those who have to have her life. How, Jesus, can I do this? How can I get your children back to you? If my heart breaks how much more does Yours? If I want to scream is that what your thunders really are? Is this what sin has brought us to? Who knew the stupid apple would lead to this. I want to change it. I want to change the world. Can I? Can one person be enough? Maybe. Not one alone. One with Jesus? Definitely. How do we start this new revolution? How do we turn the hearts of children toward the father? How do we penetrate the darkness with light so bright that nothing can stand in the way of it? How do we take this word to the nations without fear of failure holding us back? I'm still figuring it out. This much I know. We are His generation. We can fight. I'm not sitting down anymore. It's not worth it. I will fight this injustice somehow. I'll let you know how when I figure it out. Jesus help me...
Molly Walker, 0038, Overton HQ.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Babies Galore

I love babies! :D We had another little baby girl enter the world this morning. She is so so beautiful! The labor was so fast. I worked the night shift last night with little action. We helped a mom learn how to breast feed and that was pretty much it until 6 this morning. Then we had a mom come in who was 5 cm dilated. It was her 4th baby I think and she had a history of pretty fast labors. So we got her into the delivery room and just waited. She labored like a champ until about 8:45. Then we called in the dad and started to get serious. We did an IE and found out that she was now 9 cm. The midwife in charge decided to break her water to get that last cm dilated and the water bag was coming out. When she was about to break it, the mom gave a big push and we realized that the baby was pretty much IN the water bag. In all of 5 seconds the baby was literally shooting out into this world. Everyone went from "she's nine cm" to "BABY OUT!" We suctioned, dried, patted, and warmed the little baby girl while the other team worked on the mom. Then we brought baby girl to meet her mommy and daddy for the first time. The little champ went right to her main goal in this beginning of life- eating. She knew exactly what to do and went right to it. She's such a perfect little baby girl. :D
We are so excited that this summer is starting to pick up with more babies for us to bring into this world! These are the pros of this field that we're totally loving. The cons did catch up to us though. Little baby Kyle (The baby on the ventilator and chest tubes) passed away. Our prayers are definitely with the family of this sweet angel. And thank you guys for joining us in these prayers. We also have one more prayer request. The mom who gave birth to this baby had to have a c-section and the baby required a ton of medical attention. All that to say, the hospital bill came out to 130,000 pesos (roughly translated a little over $3000). The clinic can help as much as they can but this was definitely out of their budget but the family most definitely can't afford it either. So if you keep this financial situation in your prayers and even give if you can, that would be great. You can donate at the glory reborn website anytime, just designate to this cause. Thank you all so much! Love you all!
Molly Walker, 2029, Overton HQ

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Lots of stuff...

So the past few days have been pretty hard for our mommies. On Thursday I think we had a mom who had to be transfered to the hospital because of insufficient pushing. Her baby boy is just fine though! She delivered about 3 hours later. It was a very long labor process that included pushing for about 7 hours. Then we had a stillbirth with another mom. This was a very sad one. She was about 7 months along. When she gave birth they found out that the baby's cord was wrapped very tightly around her ankle which cut off all the blood supply. Please keep this mommy in your prayers. And then we had another mom who was transferred to the hospital because the baby had some variable decelerations. The doctor at the hospital did an emergency CS and found that the baby had a congenital lung abnormality and put the baby on a ventilator. They also ended up having to put in 2 chest tubes because of fluid in the lungs. It's not looking very promising for this baby and the mom is obviously having a hard time. Please, please keep these moms and babies in your prayers! It's so hard when things don't go right and Jesus is the only comforter in times like these.
We've definitely learned a lot in the past few days. We've seen both the ups and downs of this field. I think we're both coming to the point of accepting that not every birth is perfect and happy but that Jesus has a plan for all of them. We're definitely ready to see more of the up side soon though. We have a few moms that are close to their due date and should be getting ready to deliver soon. :D I'll keep you posted on all the happenings of this week! Love you guys!
Molly Walker, 0845, Overton HQ.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Oh, Baby!

SOOOO.... I SAW MY FIRST BABY BORN!!!! YAY!!! Basically I decided when the head came out that this is most definitely what God has called me to do for the rest of my life. What a relief, right? haha.
We had our first birth for the summer yesterday around 3. Her name is Jezevie. She was so beautiful. Melissa and I were like anxious sisters waiting in the next room for the bang on the wall that said it was time. You should have seen us jump when we heard it. So we filed into the delivery room and took in the whole scene. Mommy was in pain, that was obvious. Hilary and the other midwives were suiting up, and one of them was motioning for us to come to the front and center seat. We walked over...well, more like hopped... and waited for the next contraction. All the sudden there was hair and Melissa goes "What's that?" I was like..."The head!!!!" HAHA. It was just a surprise for a baby to have that much hair! Then the head came out and we heard the first sound from the mom. On a side note- Philippinos are amazing at labor. They sit there all quietly and do their breathing. It's...strange. I wonder if we American's knew there wasn't an option for pain relief if we would take it like champs too. Anyways. The head came out and the midwife starts saying that the cord is tight. "Tight cord! Tight cord!" And then we got over the shock of what we just saw and realized that this baby was very, very blue. The next contraction was a mere 30 seconds later and the little girls body came out of the mommy. No cry, cord tied twice around her neck. The cord was quickly removed, the baby was being rubbed and suctioned, and then we finally heard that little miracle's voice- the first cry. Honestly I almost started crying. She was so perfect. A little confused. But perfect. And the mommy did wonderful. It was such an amazing thing to see.
So at this point Melissa and I have huge smiles on our faces because we were told that we could clamp and cut the cord. So Mel goes and stands by the baby, clamps the cord, and cuts it with a huge grin on her face. I, meanwhile, am standing by the mom just marveling at what just happened. Then I hear Hilary say "Molly, do you want to deliver the placenta?" Uhhhhhh.....sure? haha. That's all I could really manage. I mean, I didn't really know what I was doing. So I waited there with a midwife for the next contraction. When she had it, I got to gently tug on the cord and deliver the placenta. You know, placentas are weird. I'm not going to lie. Kind of gross. But needless to say, Jesus is amazing. The fact that this gross blob kept the little girl alive was a miracle in itself. And to all you pregos out there- the placenta was probably over 3 pounds- so don't blame yourself for those extra few. :)
Once the placenta was delivered (and I was pretty much making camp on cloud nine) I hear the next piece of news...She tore. :( So they pulled out the suture kit and started suturing her up. I'm watching this and wishing that I had ever learned to sew. Then the midwife asks me...well, more like tells me... "You want to suture." Kind of a question. But with the implication of "I'm about to hand this needle to you so get ready." So she tells me what I'm going to do and hands me the hemostat and the suture kit. It was so much fun being able to fix the tear. And apparently I have very steady hands (something I've never had before. I shook the whole time during my clinical clearance exam and that was just giving a shot. Another sign from God that this is the plan He has for me). It really was the best day of my life thus far. I'm so so so happy.
So this was the first birth. Melissa and I were talking about how we've done more in 2 days here than we'll do in our entire Mother-Baby semester at school. We're so so so thankful for this amazing experience that we get to have. And really, we want to thank all of you for making it happen. Everyone who's been praying for us and supporting us- we love you. You have, in a very real way, supported us on the journey that has decided the rest of our lives (Yup! Melissa wants to stay in this field too! ). God has already blessed this adventure so much and this is only day 3! We're so ready to see what else is coming and we will keep you posted on this beautiful journey. Oh yes! There are pictures to come as well! It takes forever and a day to upload them onto this sight so please go visit my facebook in about an hour. They will be there! If you can't find my facebook, try looking for it under my e-mail address which is posted as mollyw@nmsu.edu. Thank you all so much and I shall definitely keep you posted!
Molly Walker, 0730 (5:30 pm for you), Overton HQ

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

So many pregnant mommies!

Oh man- pregnancy is so cool. Really. I mean just the fact that there's a baby INSIDE the mom is insane. And then the baby moving and kicking... it's so cool.
So today Mel and I spent the day doing prenatal exams with the midwifes/nurses and it was so cool. We measured the fundal height, the position of the baby, the babies heart rate, and, in certain occasions, the dilation of the mommy if she was 39 or 40 weeks. It's so much fun to have a job where you get to play with babies all day. I love making them kick, hearing their little hearts beating so fast, and seeing how excited the mom is to see her new baby. I got to do prenatal care on probably 10 moms and and IE on one other. It's definitely an experience to feel the head of the baby before labor. haha. (To all the men- you should, right now, turn to your wife or mom, and say thank you for the things they go through.) I can already tell that this is something I definitely want to do. And... according to the exams we did today we should have at least one if not two babies enter the world in the next few days! I'm so excited to see my first birth! :D
This place really is amazing. I love everything about Cebu. And definitely like I said before- I can live by the ocean for the rest of my life and not complain. I'm so excited to see what this week brings! Keep up the prayers!
Molly Walker, 1748 local time (3:49 am for most of you), Overton HQ

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


Hey guys! We're here in Cebu safe! We traveled all night and finally landed in Cebu at 11:30 this morning. Or, for most of you, around 9:30 last night. The time change is a little bit trippy. It feels like I'm talking to the past when I talk to my mom who is technically living my yesterday. Though, the upwards of 36 hours traveling and lack of sleep could definitely be contributing to this "trippy" feeling.
Thus far it has been very fun! Hilary and David picked us up at the airport and brought us back to their lovely house. I love the ocean the most I think. I could definitely get used to seeing the water every day. And I think we're actually going to the beach on Saturday! It's insanely hot up here so the water will be very nice. It's been about 94 degrees today... definitely a spike from what we were feeling at home. And...there was a brown out when we arrived so the air conditioners weren't working. Needless to say, I've already sweated through my first outfit. haha.
Hilary took us to the clinic today and we got to meet a beautiful little boy who was born last night. We also got to participate in the Bible study that, starting next week, we'll be leading. I picked my schedule for this week and I'm on graveyard shift for a few of the nights. I'm pretty excited for it- this, they tell me, is when the most babies are born. I'm so ready to see a baby enter this world. I spent the better part of the last flight reading the book "Baby Catchers" and envying all her stories about delivering babies. So I'm definitely ready to be part of this miracle! :D
Please keep up the prayers, my friends! Jesus is going to move so big this summer and I'm so ready for it. So be my prayer warriors! Please be praying for safety and sensitivity to the voice of our Lord. I just want to be able to minister to these women in any way I can. I love you all so so much and I'll keep you posted! We're uploading some of our "travel pics" right now so there will be a file created on facebook. Love you guys!
Molly Walker reporting from Overton Headquarters, Cebu City, 1700 hours
Over and Out

Monday, May 31, 2010

Travel Time

Well friends, the journey to the Philippines has officially begun. As I write this I am in the waiting area for my flight to Hong Kong, which connects to the Philippines. Traveling has been... long. Quick note to self- the time in LA really doesn't take THAT long. So don't opt for the 5 hour stay over the 3 hour. You would be a happier person if you were on a plane for that extra two hours vs sitting wishing you were asleep.

Basically I don't have that much to update right now. Please just keep praying! This summer is extremely blessed. Jesus has told me directly and through many, many others. We are so so so stoked for this trip! So I shall stay in touch and pictures of this glorious travel are soon to be posted.

This is Molly reporting from LAX at 0015 hours
Over and out.

Monday, March 1, 2010

I Finally Found Where I Belong

Wow. So the weekend of 2-26-10 was FANTASTIC. This past weekend was a Junior High Encounter at my church. I was a "shepherd" or in other words one of the group leaders. Basically what happened was 27 Junior high kids came to our church for a 2 day encounter with Jesus. We stayed the night at a hotel near the church and even participated in a "word fast" where they couldn't talk about anything unless it was questions about the teachings (or if it was an emergency). This was set up to they could really think about what they had heard and really listen for God's voice. It was... wow. I can't even believe the revival that happened in our kids. I honestly didn't think it was going to be possible for middle schoolers to really feel God's presence and respond to it. But they definitely surprised us! By the end of the weekend the kids were singing "Move among us, walk among us, we say holy spirit you are welcome here" with so much passion. I actually started crying the second they started singing. There was so much change in their lives. I really hope they can continue in God's word and in this new life they have started.

I think what surprised me the most was how much I changed during this weekend too! It's insane that i came to help them seek God and in the process God found me and showed himself to me in such a huge way! God brought amazing healing (physically and spiritually) this weekend. I can't wait for the actual college encounter! I think I realized though that when God wants to change things you have to be open to it. This weekend was filled with prayers of just "God use me, do whatever you want" and he totally did! I'm trying to make this my prayer every day! :D Jesus is so so so so good! And change is good. I think a lot is going to change now...but I think it's going to be for the better. I want my life to be what it was supposed to. I want to be the woman of God that I was created to be. I want to be new!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

So here's a song I was listening to tonight that just kinda caught my heart...

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"
by: Relient K

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been

So... basically I want to share my thoughts on this song...

I think this songs should be my song for my life. Well, at least for a chapter of my life. I remember hearing this song right after my Freshman year of college and just thinking that this is what I was feeling. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life. And I've had to pay for those things in more ways than one. I know how hard it is to look back and honestly hate the person you were. I wish with all my heart I could take it all back and start over. But... at the same time it made me who I am. I think sometimes we have to fall to realize God's amazing grace and forgiveness. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that God's forgiveness has no end.

I think the main part of this song that hits me is that it's like the author is trying to stop someone else from doing the same things. I feel like that all the time! Just like...ok- see right where you're standing? Yeah that's where I lost is. That's the exact line that I crossed over. Because you're going to wish someday that you could take back that exact moment in life where you said yes instead of no. I guess I wish I could stop other people from making my mistakes and having to live with the same consequences. I know that sometimes you have to learn from your own mistakes but what a gift it would be if you could learn from someone else's instead.

I think I feel this way the most when it comes to my niece. haha. There's so much in her life that I want to save her from someday. I see in her the same spirit that I had. Just the kind that she was probly the kid who had to touch the stove to believe it was hot. I've never had a little sister and she's kinda like that to me. So I guess I've never felt the need to protect someone this much from what life can throw at you so I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. Younger people these days are going through the problems that didn't even hit my generation until we were in high school or college. It makes me sick! But yeah- I guess that's just the thought that came with this song. I wish that I could stop the people I love from doing that I had to do to learn. I just want them to see my mistakes and not make them!

So...anyways. This was kinda a scattered blog. But yeah. It's just what my mind is thinking with this song. Hope you enjoyed!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Summer 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

Hi guys! I hope everyone is doing well and that your 2010 is filled with God’s mercy, love, and blessings! This past year has been such a rush for me. In August of 2009 I began the nursing program at New Mexico State University. The first semester was tough but I made it through! I am now in my second semester of school and striving to survive the dreaded Medical Surgical course. I love this program and this field of study. The Lord has blessed us with such amazing physical bodies and I’m immensely enjoying the study of how they work and how I can learn to take care of them.

I really feel like the Lord has placed in me a passion for women’s studies in particular. I never experience more joy than when I think about being part of the process of bringing a baby into this world. I hope to continue my education after nursing school to obtain my Masters in Nurse Midwifery. This brings me to an amazing opportunity I have been offered for this coming summer…an amazing adventure that I am so thrilled to accept.

This summer I plan to spend two months in Cebu, Philippines at a birthing center called Glory Reborn, which is run by my cousin Hilary Overton. This experience will not only be a great medical opportunity for me but also a fantastic opportunity to share God’s love with the poor, and expand my missionary range. I’ve been to the Philippines twice before and it is such a beautiful place to take the Gospel. The people of the Philippines are hungry for something and Jesus is the one true filler…it is my hope to share His abounding love and kindness in practical ways. I feel like nursing is such an amazing opportunity to share about Jesus, who cares for the whole man (physical and spiritual needs). The role of the nurse is to be beside the patient, to defend the patient, to be the patient’s advocate, and most importantly, to listen and just be present for the patient. In this role we gain trust and respect and we are given such a great opportunity to talk to these people and display God’s love and tender kindness. This summer mission will be such a beautiful time to show Jesus’ love and also gain the knowledge that I hope to take into my future career.

As I’ve said before, I am super excited for this opportunity and all it holds. I’m excited to see what God is going to do and how much he’s going to use me. And I would love for all of you to be part of it! I definitely need my prayer warriors back here cheering me on and encouraging me. And any financial support you might feel called to give would be a HUGE blessing! This trip is going to cost around $2000 for the plane tickets and the two-month stay. It’s a lot of money but I just know in my heart this is where I’m supposed to be this summer.

Thank you so much for your friendship and for your consideration. I feel such promise and grace over this summer and I’m excited to see what God does. I love you all so much and I hope you’ll be part of this wonderful time in my life. God bless!

Molly Walker


(575) 202-7539

(If you want to send me money or any encouragement, please call me at the number provided, e-mail me, or message me on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=559284178) and I'd be happy to send you my address!