So here's a song I was listening to tonight that just kinda caught my heart...

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

by: Relient K

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.


I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been

So... basically I want to share my thoughts on this song...

I think this songs should be my song for my life. Well, at least for a chapter of my life. I remember hearing this song right after my Freshman year of college and just thinking that this is what I was feeling. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life. And I've had to pay for those things in more ways than one. I know how hard it is to look back and honestly hate the person you were. I wish with all my heart I could take it all back and start over. But... at the same time it made me who I am. I think sometimes we have to fall to realize God's amazing grace and forgiveness. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that God's forgiveness has no end.

I think the main part of this song that hits me is that it's like the author is trying to stop someone else from doing the same things. I feel like that all the time! Just like...ok- see right where you're standing? Yeah that's where I lost is. That's the exact line that I crossed over. Because you're going to wish someday that you could take back that exact moment in life where you said yes instead of no. I guess I wish I could stop other people from making my mistakes and having to live with the same consequences. I know that sometimes you have to learn from your own mistakes but what a gift it would be if you could learn from someone else's instead.

I think I feel this way the most when it comes to my niece. haha. There's so much in her life that I want to save her from someday. I see in her the same spirit that I had. Just the kind that she was probly the kid who had to touch the stove to believe it was hot. I've never had a little sister and she's kinda like that to me. So I guess I've never felt the need to protect someone this much from what life can throw at you so I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. Younger people these days are going through the problems that didn't even hit my generation until we were in high school or college. It makes me sick! But yeah- I guess that's just the thought that came with this song. I wish that I could stop the people I love from doing that I had to do to learn. I just want them to see my mistakes and not make them!

So...anyways. This was kinda a scattered blog. But yeah. It's just what my mind is thinking with this song. Hope you enjoyed!